How To Deal With Disappointment (because it sucks!)
I’ve had a big disappointment. Disappointment sucks. Disappointment is a big feeling that has lots of other emotions that add up make it a disappointment. Think of a wheel. The hub is disappointment and the spokes are anger (yep, got that one), hurt (that one too), frustration (I have no control in the situation), and confusion on what to do for myself in the situation as it exists (yep, got ‘em all). Disappointment is a big one for me right now. Without turning to emotional eating to deal with disappointment, I’m leaning on my own personal strategies (listed below).
So, I’m asking myself how I can cope with the disappointment, how I can process the accompanying emotions that make up the disappointment. I have options – I can eat a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts (love those things) or I can NOT give my personal power away to this situation by emotionally eating and deal with the disappointment in a healthy way (which is the essence of FLYing – to Fully Love Yourself).
Whenever you fly as a pilot or as a passenger on an airliner, there is ALWAYS a flight plan. Always. You have to map out the various airspace from where you are to where you’re going, you must find out the weather along the way including the wind and other variables – you gotta have a plan. Below are six tips on my FLYght plan to handle my big disappointment in a healthy, non-food/Krispy Kreme (lol) way.
6 Tips to Deal with Disappointment.
1. Acknowledge the loss. I’ve lost hope, the broken promise of another, the loss of “you do this, and you’ll get that” which didn’t happen when I did my part of “you do this.” Even though there are reasons why “you’ll get that” didn’t happen, STILL, I’m disappointed in the whole thing. So, I’m in the “Acknowledge the loss” stage today.
2. Feel them. For me, it is important to break down and identify what I’m feeling. If I don’t, then the overall big feeling (disappointment in this case) becomes overwhelming to me and feels like a tidal wave. When I really focus on my various emotions and break them down, they are much more manageable for me. I’m feeling anger, hurt, sadness, frustration, confusion, unimportant, not valued, and betrayed.
3. Get it out. I’m a verbal processor so I need to talk about my feelings and a situation in order to process my feelings, process the situation, it to problem solve and make sense of it as it relates to me. For some people, writing their thoughts and feelings down is the process that works for them. Whatever works for you, get it out. I’ve talked to my husband and a couple of trusted friends to get it out.
4. See the “Blesson.” This one is a tough one for me. Blesson (Blessing + Lesson) is a hard one for me, at least right now. Disappointment sucks! Right now the disappointment is 100% negative so it is difficult to see how there is a blessing and a lesson to this situation. However, I know that there will be. I use the Blesson all the time and I know that given time, I’ll see the Blessing and Lesson to this disappointment. I trust in Blessons.
5. Time. I need to give myself time with this disappointment. Like most of us, time and patience are difficult for me. I want to process this situation away, have the emotions go bye-bye and be good to go. Given time, I’ll have a different perspective (seems impossible right now) and I’ll see my Blesson for this disappointment in the situation. Time…..I just wish it would hurry up (lol).
6. Acceptance. What? Accept the situation? While I’m far from acceptance right now, I know that is what I am going to do as a process of this disappointment. Acceptance doesn’t mean being a victim to the situation. In fact, I can choose to be driven by this situation (remember the Krispy Kreme choice?), or I can choose to be true to myself and my values (FLY), and move forward with the knowledge as to what is best for me to do.
Disappointment is a part of life. Like everyone, this isn’t the first time I’ve been disappointed nor will it be the last. Just as I trust in Blessons, I also trust that this will pass. Right now, this disappointment sucks but I also know that it won’t last forever. I’ll get through it and so will you when disappointment comes your way. The most important thing is don’t let disappointment define you or take you over. Don’t allow it to ding your FLY (to Fully Love Yourself!). I am, you are, More Than disappointment!