Is it Best to Forgive and Forget?

Forgiving is not forgetting; it is actually remembering — remembering and not using your right to hit back.  It’s a second chance for a new beginning.  And the remembering part is particularly important.  Especially if you don’t want to repeat what happened.  ~Desmond Tutu

I struggle with forgiving and forgetting.  I have a couple of people in my life that I think about periodically about forgiving and forgetting.  This is a really hard one for me.  I still don’t have it figured out yet.  For me, forgiving has been the equivalent of wiping the slate clean which I am not willing to do.  There are things these three people have done that I have not been able to forgive.  It isn’t as though this holds me back in my life but I also know that the only person that it hurts really is me.

I particularly like this quote because it makes the distinction that you can forgive but it is important NOT to forget.  Forgetting would mean not to protect yourself and allow hurts to reoccur.  I know without a doubt that would never happen.  I am older now, am an adult, and much smarter in processing things as an adult versus from the child mindset.  Just like all of us have our bumps and bruises on our heart, I have one too.  I can forgive people in my life easily but ones from the past are much more difficult.

I also think that forgiving does not mean that you let the hurtful people back into your life again.  It isn’t as though you pick up and pretend that nothing ever happened in the past.  Forgiving is really a gift that you give to yourself.  It is like picking up a piece of hot coal and holding it in your hand without letting go.  The coal burns your hand but hurts no one else except you.

This quote really spoke to me in a profound way as I consider the one hold-out in my life and it is forgiving these certain people.  Forgiveness is making sense out of what happened, realizing that it isn’t your fault and truly probably has nothing to do with you at all.  Forgiveness is truly letting go of the past, letting yourself off the hook from any negativity you’ve taken on yourself as a result of the situation or people, and move forward full speed ahead without letting the individuals impact you any longer.

It all sounds good as I write this to you.  A bit harder when I think of fully embracing it into my life.  I’m just not quite there yet but getting closer.  I could not have written this to you a year ago because I wouldn’t have felt about it this way.

One of the things I’m focusing on are the lessons that I learned back then from these certain people and the situation and how they can apply to my life.  What did I learn about myself as a result of this being in my past?  What does it say about me because of the person and incredible growth I’ve made as a person and in my own life?  Am I a better person and a better mom to my own kids?  Do I appreciate and value the real things and qualities of my life?  While they are painful, I can say they brought me where I am in my life today.  For that, I am grateful.  They shaped who I am, my own core values and the way that I life in a much deeper way.

Forgive and forget – no, I’m not there yet.  But I am realizing the gifts that hurtful situations have brought to me.  I think that is a big part of forgiving is embracing who you are today as a result.

Believe In Yourself,
Cathy, CLC
Certified Life Coach, Weight Loss Surgery Coach
Certified Back On Track Facilitator